The Importance of Finding the Right Therapist

Deciding to start therapy is a potentially huge step in bettering your life.  Whatever the reason you’re seeking therapy, whether it is due to emotional distress, life transitions, relationship struggles, trauma, or the desire for personal growth, therapy can be a powerful tool to help make positive change.  There are, however, factors that affect how helpful therapy can be.  Research shows that one of the most (if not the most) important factors for successful therapy is the therapeutic relationship or alliance between the therapist and individual (Caitlin Opland; Tyler J. Torrico)  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK608012/, making finding the right therapist a highly important part of your therapy journey. 

Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship, being one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes, often outweighs the specific therapeutic approach used. While the right therapist can make therapy transformative and lasting, seeing a therapist who is not a good fit for you increases the likelihood of discontinuing therapy and can leave you feeling misunderstood, discouraged, and possibly even worse than when you started.  This has led some people to feel that therapy doesn’t work for them, when in actuality it is more likely that they haven’t found the right therapist. 

Therapy Is a Relationship, Not Just a Service

Therapy is a unique relationship with a healthcare provider.  It is a professional relationship built on trust, empathy, and collaboration.  Unlike many other healthcare interactions, therapy requires vulnerability.  In therapy, not only are you likely to be asked to share personal thoughts, emotions, memories, fears, and experiences, but when your therapist deems it may be helpful, they too may share relevant information from their own personal experience, which helps to support your alliance.  Being comfortable with this level of openness and sharing is only possible when you feel safe and understood. 

The right therapist isn’t just someone who provides advice or diagnoses symptoms.  They are an active listener, an ally, and a guide to help you find solutions.  When this relationship feels secure, you are more likely to engage honestly, explore difficult emotions, and stay committed to the therapeutic process.  Therapy can sometimes be long-term and having a therapist you can rely on is vital. 

Choosing the right therapist means finding someone that you can form a genuine therapeutic alliance with, someone that supports your growth and helps bring you peace of mind.  It’s not about finding the best therapist; it's about finding the best therapist for you. 

Feeling Seen, Heard, and Understood 

Often people seek therapy because they feel misunderstood, dismissed, or oppressed in some part of their life.  One of the most healing aspects of therapy is to feel heard and understood.  The right therapist will listen intently, validate your concerns, and show empathy with what you are going through. 

The right therapist creates a safe space where you feel accepted and seen with unconditional positive regard.  Feeling safe to explore your emotions opens the door to create change. 

Different Therapists Have Different Approaches 

Therapists’ backgrounds differ in education, training, experience, and treatment methods. For example, some prefer a more structured, goal-oriented type of therapy and may give homework for between sessions.  Others may focus on emotional insight or relationship patterns.  And some may use a combination of approaches for a more eclectic style of therapy.  There is no single “correct” way to do therapy; what matters most is that the approach is aligned with your needs, preferences, and personality.  If you are looking for a certain method of therapy, therapists will likely have the methods they use listed on their website.  However, it may be helpful if a therapist has training in multiple methods, since the same methods don’t work for everyone or every situation.  A therapist who is comfortable with multiple methods can not only choose a specific method to use initially, but can change to a different method for different situations, as issues can change over the course of therapy.  When you discuss your situation and decide on goals for therapy, your therapist will have a better idea of what treatment method would likely be appropriate. Some people are looking for advice and assignments when they come to therapy.  Others are looking for assistance exploring their emotions and past experiences. Communicating your needs and expectations will help direct your therapy.  

Choosing the right therapist involves finding someone whose approach feels comfortable to you.  When the style fits, therapy feels like a collaboration that is comforting and beneficial. 

Cultural Competence and Identity Awareness 

Therapy is not one size fits all.  You bring your cultural background, identity, values, and past experiences to therapy.  The right therapist will have the ability to understand and respect these factors.  This ability is referred to as cultural competence and is essential for a good therapeutic relationship. 

It is especially important for individuals of marginalized or minority populations to have a therapist who is sensitive to issues such as race, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or socioeconomic status. 

The right therapist is aware of how systemic factors and identity can affect mental health and will take these factors into consideration during therapy.  They will listen without assumptions and remain open to learning about how these factors have affected each unique individual.  This shows respect by the therapist and helps to invite trust into the relationship. 

Trust and Safety Are Non-Negotiable 

Effective therapy can involve exploring uncomfortable emotions, painful memories, and difficult truths.  This makes trust and a feeling of safety important parts of therapy.  Feeling safe with your therapist will make you more comfortable in exploring emotions and engaging in self-reflection to learn more about yourself.  Being open to learning about yourself is a fundamental aspect of change. 

Therapy Is Unique to the Individual 

Mental health concerns vary widely, as do individual personalities and life circumstances. Someone coping with trauma may need a therapist trained in trauma-informed care.  Someone looking for parenting support may need a therapist who can offer psychoeducation in parenting and has experience working with families in therapy.  Couples seeking counseling may benefit from a therapist trained in Gottman’s Couples Counseling and/or Emotion Focused Couples Therapy. 

The right therapist will have strengths in the areas in which you need help and be able to tailor treatment specifically to your needs, rather than using a more generalized approach. This can make therapy more effective and beneficial for you. 

Empowerment Through Choice 

Choosing your own therapist is a way of advocating for yourself.  It shows you that you have the power to make important decisions in your mental health care, which can help boost your self-confidence. 

Many people think that therapy is therapy and that whichever therapist they choose would be the same as any other.  So, when things may not be going well with that therapist, they continue to see them until they give up altogether.  It is important to know that it is not only acceptable but encouraged to seek a therapist who feels right for you.  Usually, you can tell if a therapist is right for you after 1-3 sessions.  And if they are not, it is better to move on.  Therapy works best when you feel motivated and empowered, not obligated. 

When the Right Therapist Makes All the Difference 

When you hear success stories from people regarding therapy, you will usually hear about their strong bond with their therapist.  With the right therapist, individuals gain insight, develop coping skills, improve their relationship with themselves and others, and learn to view situations in a new light. 

It is not the therapist’s role to “fix” anyone, but to provide the right conditions for personal growth to be possible.  It is a partnership designed to help navigate the complexities in life more easily, with more clarity and self-compassion. 

Conclusion

Choosing the right therapist is a crucial aspect when deciding to begin therapy.  Finding a therapist that you feel aligned with will allow you to feel safe in opening up and sharing so that your therapist can help you to understand and grow in the areas you feel need strengthening. This can lead to increased competence, confidence, and self-assurance. 

Taking the time and effort to find the right therapist for you, who aligns with your needs, values, and personality is an investment in your mental health and general well-being. 

Finding the right therapist with whom you feel comfortable and motivated can lead to therapy that is truly transformative.