What Self-Care Really Is

At this point most people have heard the term self-care and that it is considered to be very beneficial, but they may have a different impression of what it actually means. People often think of it as a reward for something they have done or time they have put in, whether for their work, their family, or perhaps in helping their friends. They may feel wiped out from the sacrifices they have made and feel that they need something to restore them and make them feel better. They believe the reward is something you do to treat yourself, like spending money on extravagant items, going to a spa, getting a mani/pedi, or some other occasional expenditure or event. And if they are in financial straits, they may feel they cannot do self-care because they can’t afford it. But self-care is not a reward or a treat to cheer you up after extending yourself beyond your limits. Real self-care is a combination of lifestyle habits that you develop in order to prevent you from overextending yourself in the first place. 

Self-care is preventative care and consistent maintenance for establishing a healthy lifestyle, both mentally and physically. It helps by reducing stress and anxiety, preventing burnout, boosting self-esteem, and improving your overall well-being. It allows you to feel more comfortable in your daily life and your roles, such as employer, employee, spouse, parent, friend, etc. It means taking proactive steps to manage your mental and physical health and your relationships. Self-care is a necessary part of a healthy life, not a luxury. And it does not need to be earned. We are all worthy of self-care. Whereas constantly sacrificing for others can cause burnout, depression, anxiety, and resentment, as well as limiting the quality of your interactions with others, proper self-care can improve your interactions with and ability to care for others and yourself. 

Self-care is explained through a holistic approach as having seven pillars, which include: mental, emotional, physical, environmental, spiritual, recreational, and social. 

Mental (or Intellectual) Self-Care  

Mental self-care involves processes that help your mind, such as reducing mental clutter, practicing mindfulness, learning, creativity, and stimulating your brain. Some examples may be reading about or taking a course to learn something new that interests you, doing meditation (individually or in a group, in person or online), advancing your education (which in addition to stimulating your brain, can help you advance in your career and build self-esteem), participating in a creative hobby like art or dancing, and learning to live in the moment (not focusing on regrets of the past or worries of the future). 

Emotional Self-Care 

Emotional self-care involves self-protective acts including setting boundaries, emotional regulation, self-compassion, and taking breaks from social media and technology.  

Setting boundaries may be the single most important form of emotional self-care.  Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and means practicing the ability to communicate your limits in certain situations that drain you or cause you discomfort. Communicating your limits makes your relationships heathier by providing others with a better understanding of what is acceptable to you. It is about protecting your peace of mind. Setting boundaries is sometimes explained as the ability to say “no”, which can make some individuals immediately uncomfortable, as they do not want to come across as uncooperative or in any way negative or difficult. But it is possible to set boundaries from a positive stance.  Instead of telling others what you won’t do, you can tell them what is acceptable or desirable to you. For example, instead of saying “no” to an invitation to attend an outing or event that is inconvenient or undesirable to you, you can respond with a statement like, “I would love to see you, but that evening doesn’t work for me. How about we get together next Friday evening for dinner?” (or something along those lines). Or, for example in the case of a family conflict with your child who has lost their composure, and you don’t want to be pulled into an argument, your response might be, “I will be happy to continue this conversation when your tone matches mine (which is calm)”.  

Other aspects of emotional self-care can involve journaling (which can help you process feelings), keeping a gratitude journal to focus on the positives, self-compassion (treating yourself in the same way you would a loved one), and speaking with a therapist for help in self-regulation, managing stress, and with difficult emotions such as those that arise with depression or anxiety. 

Physical Self-Care 

Physical self-care involves not only exercise, but sufficient sleep, proper nutrition, hygiene, listening to your body, and seeking appropriate medical care. 

We all know that physical exercise plays a vital role in our health. Not only does it help us maintain a healthy weight; strengthen our cardiovascular system to reduce the risks of heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure; strengthen bone density; improve balance; lower the risk of diabetes; and increase longevity; it also significantly improves our mental health. Exercise releases endorphins, reduces stress hormones, lowers the risk of depression and anxiety, and has been found to improve memory and cognitive function. Exercise for self-care involves finding methods of movement that you enjoy. This may be going for walks, dancing, riding bikes, swimming, going to the gym to work out on your own or with a group or class. (One of the things I like to do is ride my spin bike while watching a show. When I like a series or movie, it is a good incentive to ride and get my exercise for the day. It makes riding my spin bike fun and I feel good about taking care of myself during and afterwards.) 

Sleep is also an important aspect of physical self-care. While everyone is different in their sleep requirements, seven to nine hours of quality sleep per night is usually considered the optimal amount for fundamental brain function and physical health. Establishing a healthy bedtime routine and sleep schedule has been found to significantly improve mental clarity, mood regulation, immune system function, memory consolidation, decision-making abilities, and decrease risks of chronic conditions like obesity and heart disease, while increasing daily energy. 

Proper nutrition shares the same benefits with physical exercise, such as sustained energy, supporting muscle and bone health, improving mental health, and boosting overall vitality and longevity. Maintaining a balanced diet of natural whole foods including a variety of fruits and vegetables, lean proteins (such as fish, nuts, and legumes), and whole grains contributes to a longer, healthier life. 

Good hygiene (including oral hygiene) is an act of self-care that benefits you physically by preventing illnesses, rashes, and infections caused by germs. Mentally it benefits you by boosting your self-esteem and confidence. And social benefits include improving your social acceptance and professional image. All of these contribute to your mental and emotional well-being. 

Listening to your body means being in tune with signals your body is sending you such as hunger, fatigue, or a need for movement. Paying attention and attending to your needs improves emotional regulation, as well as physical and mental well-being. It also lets you know when something is concerning and signals you to seek medical care. Recognizing physical and emotional signals like pain, fatigue, or stress and seeking timely healthcare can often provide you with the help you need before issues become more serious. 

Environmental Self-Care 

Environmental self-care is about creating a supportive, comfortable, sustainable environment to improve your physical and mental well-being. One key aspect of environmental self-care is designing a nurturing space. This means a space that brings you a sense of joy and calm. This may involve pictures of loved ones, motivational posters, plants, comfortable bedding, or other things that bring a smile to your face and a sense of peace. 

Another aspect of environmental self-care is decluttering and organizing. This can be everything from decluttering your home, your desk, your nightstand, or your inbox. Simplicity reduces feelings of overwhelm and helps increase productivity.  

Safety and maintenance are also parts of environmental self-care to help you feel more comfortable and secure. This may mean repairing broken locks or windows, fixing leaks or electrical issues at home, and proper maintenance of your automobile.  

Spending time in nature is also a restorative, uplifting activity that improves mental health. Even if only a few minutes a day, being outdoors in fresh air and sunshine is beneficial to your health. Spending time in nature can lower your blood pressure, boost your immune system, improve your sleep quality, and provide you with a natural source of vitamin D.  

Other examples of simple daily actions you can take towards environmental self-care include making your bed right after getting up, reducing your screen time, aromatherapy (using candles or an essential oils in a diffuser), and spending ten minutes a day tiding up to maintain a sense of order. 

Spiritual Self-Care 

Spiritual self-care means connecting with your values. This practice can reduce stress, create inner peace, increase empathy, and provide you with a greater sense of connection to others and yourself. It is different for everyone and not necessarily religious. It may mean prayer for some, while others may seek connection with nature, volunteering, practicing meditation, or keeping a gratitude journal. Making a habit of practicing spiritual self-care can help you build a strong, grounded foundation.  

Recreational (or Purposeful) Self-Care 

Recreational self-care, as its name implies, is about participating in fun activities and hobbies, but also relaxation and rest. Like physical exercise, recreational self-care also helps combat stress and improve mental health by releasing endorphins, while additionally reducing burnout. Schedule time to do the things that you enjoy. These may be creative activities involving arts or music; activities in nature such as gardening, hiking, or going to the beach; active recreation like biking, swimming, or dancing; relaxing activities such as reading, movies, or puzzles; explorative adventures, such as day or weekend trips; or social gatherings such as playing board games with friends. 

Social Self-Care 

Social self-care is about connecting with loved ones, building supportive relationships, and being able to ask for help. Intentionally building and maintaining healthy, supportive relationships helps to create a sense of belonging and reduces the feeling of isolation. It involves nurturing existing relationships as well as making new connections through social hobbies, volunteering, or through groups (Meetup has both in person and online groups for many kinds of interests and can be a successful way to meet new friends Meetup | Find Local Groups, Events, and Activities Near You.). 

In addition to the seven pillars of self-care, there is the aspect of self-discipline.  The goal is never perfection, but we do have to make a concerted effort to care for ourselves. This may mean going to bed at the time you have scheduled instead of staying up late to keep watching a show or playing video games. It means skipping the junk food and eating a healthy meal. It means changing old habits that aren’t working for you and replacing them with new ones which will likely benefit you. 

While seven different aspects of self-care might seem overwhelming to you, as you may have realized, all the pillars are tied to each other. For example, joining a hiking group because it is something you enjoy, is practicing recreational self-care. The added opportunity to meet new friends ties it to social self-care. The physical exercise you get from hiking ties it to physical self-care. The connection to nature provides restorative environmental self-care and may be your form of spiritual self-care, while taking a break from technology and participating in a hobby are forms of emotional and mental self-care. Your mental, physical, and emotional health are all closely linked, so taking a step to improve one of those aspects is likely to have an effect on all three. 

Conclusion 

Real self-care is taking care of yourself as you would a loved one. It involves intentional daily habits of maintaining or improving your physical, mental, and emotional needs. It is not expensive or selfish. It is vital for your well-being. If you’d like help in managing your self-care, feel free to contact me at melisa@diveincounseling.com.